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31
how to help someone who has depression / Re: attention: friends & family of depression sufferers
« Last post by pink pearl on June 28, 2017, 08:42:53 PM »
If you are a family member or friend of someone who suffers from depression (in any of its types or forms), there are things that you can do to help that person.

1. Be upbeat, but sensitive
A fine line here. The "upbeat" thing combined w/ sensitivity may sound difficult to pull off, but I have observed and even been with people who can go there. If, to you, being upbeat means that you're in a boastful, let-me-tell-you-how-great-my-life-is-right-now mood (that's not it). Upbeat is a positive, encouraging, uplifting, "everything's going to get much better" frame of mind. Not that you say any of those phrases or words aloud, but that you exude that kind of energy.

2. Show compassion
You can ask yourself if you truly care about this depressed person, and then show that level of caring in your facial expressions, body language, words, tone, and actions. Yeah, I know - sounds "un-doable" & ridiculous (?) None of us are perfect supporters of sick, hurting, or depressed individuals. We can just decide to put forth our best efforts, ...and then go. Make mistakes - it's ok. None of us are are without fumbles. We learn as we go.

3. (to emphasize one of orange popsicle's points, previously posted)...Wear something "well-put-together" - it doesn't have to necessarily be specifically "happy", "colorful", "cheerful". Just something that you've put together that suits you, your day, the weather, the season, the occasion, whatever. For some reason, it's quite uplifting to see someone in your life (at home, office, out shopping, having lunch, wherever) who is going about normal life & getting ready for their day in the usual way, in their own unique style. Hard to explain, but it's true for many.

4. Be an attentive listener, but don't force conversation. Maybe just make "small talk" if you want. Sometimes gentle distractions are a bit of a relief.

5. Please don't say things like "cheer up", "snap out of this mood", or "you're not helping yourself - get over it". Do I need to explain this.

Comforting a depressed person in your life comes out of a very unselfish, "un-self-serving" place. In my opinion, could be one of the best meds. No prescription necessary.
32
signs, types, triggers / MOVED: notes
« Last post by violette bijoux valentine <3 on June 28, 2017, 07:51:16 PM »
This topic has been moved to [general].

http://depressionchatter.com:/index.php?topic=13.0
33
general / MOVED: medications used for depression
« Last post by violette bijoux valentine <3 on June 28, 2017, 07:42:07 PM »
This topic has been moved to [meds used to treat depression].

http://depressionchatter.com:/index.php?topic=14.0
34
meds used to treat depression / Re: medications used for depression
« Last post by magenta on June 28, 2017, 07:31:07 PM »
To me, this (meds) is one of the most annoying things about depression. It takes sooooo much patience to figure out what the correct medication and dosage should be. Your psychiatrist is working with you and recommending whatever and writing the prescriptions, but actually getting to the right place where everything's working for you is like trying to climb up a "down escalator".

There are so many variables. I have found meds that work to a point, but the side effects are miserable and unacceptable.

I have heard of a lot (a lot) of people going off of their medications - just all on their own - they hate the thought of taking prescription meds for depression. Like, why can't it just go away on its own.
35
general / Re: notes
« Last post by magenta on June 28, 2017, 07:23:57 PM »
...just wanted to briefly comment here that sometimes the feelings & state of mind from being depressed can become so commonplace, that it's difficult to imagine actually feeling "normal" & happy - like it's hard to remember what normal feels like
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depression as it relates to missing persons / Re: tammy kingery
« Last post by magenta on June 28, 2017, 07:21:04 PM »
I'm glad that this category was started here. I also have read about the Tammy Kingery disappearance (& many many other stories), and the heartbreak that her family has had to go through afterward.

It seems that she didn't receive the help that she needed with her depression. Depressed people tend to isolate themselves, even though that isolation obviously can create complications:
1. Being alone doesn't help with the depression/symptoms
2. When one is apart from family/friends/people in general, the depression can become sharper
3. It's difficult for a depressed person to ask for help
4. Sometimes the depression wants to hide (like what...maybe pretend that it's not there - too painful perhaps)
5. Comment about meds: it can be quite challenging to find an effective medication + a workable dosage (so so frustrating for the people who are suffering...as well as for their families)
6. There are many many helpful and sympathetic medical professionals who treat depression (whether by psychotherapy, meds, or a combination of both), but as with anything else in this imperfect world, some are either not as effective in their treatment &/or not compassionate
7. #'s 5 & 6 experienced in combination can intensify the depressed person's feelings of being let down by others (their anger level, even) - they're just frustrated - like why isn't anything helping - I hate feeling like this, it sucks

#7 might sound overly dramatic, but it does happen & tends to make the whole situation worse.
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general / MOVED: holidays, dreaded ?
« Last post by violette bijoux valentine <3 on June 27, 2017, 10:22:58 PM »
This topic has been moved to [managing holiday experiences].

http://depressionchatter.com:/index.php?topic=17.0
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depression as it relates to missing persons / Re: depression can be a factor in those who are missing
« Last post by pink pearl on June 27, 2017, 09:23:39 PM »
I'm really glad that this topic was started. Stories of people who have disappeared are very distressing. The pain of mysteriously missing a family member or friend can be devastating and life changing.

Depression is rather silent and secretive. Rarely do family/friends really know what is going on for someone who is suffering (literally) from depression. Sometimes they think that they know that person, but they don't know everything about them - especially their deepest most personal thoughts and feelings.

39
general / Re: notes
« Last post by pink pearl on June 27, 2017, 09:11:40 PM »
Just a note about acceptance:

I find myself vacillating back and forth between a few things:
1. definitely accepting that I have to live with depression
2. somewhat accepting that I have to live with depression
3. wanting to be accepting that I have to live with depression (but not)
4. not at all accepting that I have to live with depression

 :-[
40
depression as it relates to missing persons / tammy kingery
« Last post by orange popsicle on June 27, 2017, 08:34:22 PM »
I feel so badly when I read about stories like this one. Or any missing person's story really. But especially ones that could quite possibly include the struggles of depression.

Tammy Kingery was obviously going through depression and doing battle with its symptoms:
1. She was sometimes having trouble being at her work I think. Or maybe even calling in sick a few times shortly before her disappearance (?) And according to her family, she loved her job at the nursing home. And loved being able to help her patients. She was a very caring and dedicated nurse, according to her sister and mom.
2. I think that also she was having some difficulties at home as well. Not sure to what extent. There are so many exciting, memorable, and special moments that come with being a mom. But in addition there can also be various challenges.
3. Depression can infiltrate the family and marriage. It may leave the non-depressed partner at a loss to know how to help the other one. The depressed spouse might not be in a conditon to be able to help him/herself. The whole situation can be maddening and frustrating, for both parents and for their children.
4. I haven't conducted any formal research, but I suspect that many depressed people are not necessarily good communicators of their symptoms and struggles. They are probably not too vocal at asking for help. The depression struggles to articulate clearly.

I might think of some other points to add to this topic. If so, I'll go ahead and post.
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