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A lot of times I'm invited to something-or-other, or could go somewhere-or-other. I just cannot get myself to go. I've actually been around other people and felt like crying. So if I feel like I'm going to be in that type of mood or outlook, I just don't go.

Then I feel badly about not going.
Then I feel guilty.

I get it. It's not all about me.

The depression speaks or screams so loudly at times. It's annoying. It kind of takes over everything.

I do enjoy being with other people, especially if I like them and ordinarily want to spend time with them.

I guess that I have a "depression mood meter". And I respect the reading of that stupid meter.
managing holiday experiences / Re: holidays, dreaded ?
« Last post by orange popsicle on June 27, 2017, 07:54:41 PM »
Yes, I really do loathe the holidays. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate and am so thankful for what the various holiday seasons mean - it's very special to me. That's one big reason why the loathing is so pathetic.

Holiday celebrations should not be full of so much pressure. How sad that they have become that way for so many. Defeats the purpose(s). Completely.

I want to scream "stop stop stop".
coping with depression / Re: coping
« Last post by orange popsicle on June 27, 2017, 07:47:54 PM »
I've experienced depression when the symptoms are quite severe and debilitating. When it feels like that, it's almost impossible to feel what I would call "normal".  ???

When I'm not feeling the depression as much, I usually don't struggle as much in seeing humor in everyday stuff, even in screw-ups, difficulties, minor inconveniences, major episodes of whatever sort, etc. However, when I am more acutely depressed and having difficulties in just carrying on with my normal everyday life, my sense of humor or lightheartedness is locked away - far farrrr away in some secret locked drawer.  :'(

I observe other people (out in the world, in stores, on television, wherever) & wonder how they can be so happy and sometimes even perky. I mean, maybe they are happy, maybe they're struggling just like me - not sure. In any case I find myself wishing that I could locate my normal contented relaxed happier self.

And then sometimes I just accidentally (magically almost) think of something silly or somewhat humorous (truly a total accident in these cases), & I might say something aloud to someone or not. Don't know where I find that "place", but it kind of saves me in a way.

Also, each day I try to take part in at least some of the things that I'm "supposed" to enjoy, or have enjoyed in the past. Sounds odd I know, but I have to kind of force myself to be involved in more positive tasks. Even if those tasks are part of mundane daily routine jobs around the house. I try to point my thoughts in a more positive direction.

Not easy.
I often read about and research missing people's stories. They're always sad, heartbreaking, and painful especially for those who care about them and who are left wondering what happened.

I've noticed that "depression" in one form or another often seems to lurk behind (or in front of) the various disappearances.

Why are there so many of these sad stories...

Those who are trying to deal with their various forms of depression sometimes end up being more vulnerable to:
self-harm or suicide
being harmed by others
not making the best choices (of one kind or another)

coping with depression / Re: coping
« Last post by pink pearl on June 26, 2017, 10:11:13 PM »
Yes, accomplishments. I agree. Very important, but can absolutely be challenging.

At times it's excruciating, but every day I get up (quite early) & just begin doing things:
stuff around my home
getting myself ready for the day (clothes, etc.)
tidying/organizing/cleaning/whatever needs to be done
working (office)

I'm definitely not telling anyone to do the same because certainly not everyone is going to be able to do that (at first, or without additional assistance). I make myself do those things, even when I'd rather run far far away &/or just be dead.

I pray a lot.
managing holiday experiences / Re: holidays, dreaded ?
« Last post by pink pearl on June 26, 2017, 09:51:55 PM »
Sorry to say, that i do not look forward to the holidays - ever. I even feel a great amount of guilt & sorrow at stating such a fact.

Yet I have many many happy memories of the holidays - from my childhood.

I want to have a more positive outlook. The holiday season isn't supposed to be so intense & traumatic. So many familial obligations and stressors (is that a word ?) Unnerving time constraints. Everything seems to be concentrated in a small amount of time. I want to run away.

Some people have experienced losses around the holidays, & I know that those types of occurrences are difficult to navigate (past).

Life isn't perfect - but how do we make the best of it, even when things are a mess.
I think that a lot of depression sufferers feel very (very) isolated, & actually would like company/companionship. can be a slippery slope. It's so difficult for others (who have never experienced depression of any kind, or been around a depressed person) to truly understand depression & what it can do to the psyche/mind/heart/thinking processes/outlook.

So many non-empathetic klutzes out there. It's not their fault - I guess that they've never had to (or wanted to ?) learn how to be compassionate toward those who are struggling.

Also, depression can cause a lot of anger - both toward others as well as turned inward (hence, feeling like dying or even suicidal). A dangerous thing.

So I think that one of my main points here is that depressed people can feel intensely lonely, yet feel hesitant to be around other people (either in a social setting or a more public one).

Truly miserable for some of us.
I have had personal experiences with receiving "help" from whomever (even though they may not realize that they are helping to elevate my mood just a tad).

Oftentimes it has been a therapist, (at other times it has been someone else out in the world somewhere).

The therapist walks out into the waiting area to invite me into their office for my scheduled appointment. Maybe it's because I'm so into clothes (& all things "wardrobe"), but I always notice what they're wearing. I've had both male & female therapists & psychiatrists - doesn't matter - i still always seem to take note of their outfit choices & accessories.

For some reason, being around someone (a therapist, psychiatrist, whomever) who isn't necessarily depressed, can sometimes be slightly uplifting. I say "sometimes" & "slightly" because it definitely doesn't make my own depression symptoms magically disappear. Maybe it's just a distraction, & possibly a reassurance (maybe) that there are people who feel happier (than I am feeling). Is there hope ?
managing holiday experiences / holidays, dreaded ?
« Last post by violette bijoux valentine <3 on June 26, 2017, 08:20:36 PM »
"the holidays" are never more than about 9 1/2 - 10 months away...
1. how do we all feel about them
2. what are some of our coping strategies in getting through them
(that seems rather sad to think that maybe many people who suffer from depression might feel the need to simply "endure" the holiday seasons)
3. what are some of our experiences, positive & negative
general / Re: notes
« Last post by olive88 on June 26, 2017, 07:39:37 PM »
I agree that acceptance is difficult and often feels almost impossible (for me).

I have a really hard time dealing with people in my life (relatives usually but not always) who brag and boast about their life, events, travels, whatever it is.

Most people just do not get depression in general, depressed people specifically, or anything that's too deep it seems. Really gets to me.

It's not their fault, and certainly not their responsibility to understand. It's my problem, and it's up to me to learn how to live with it. Just feels like a burden much of the time. The weight is overwhelming. A lot about my life feels overwhelming.
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