Author Topic: attention: friends & family of depression sufferers  (Read 332 times)

violette bijoux valentine <3

  • administrator
  • experienced member
  • *******
  • Posts: 313
  • heart of gold, spine of steel...maybe
    • depression chatter
attention: friends & family of depression sufferers
« on: June 25, 2017, 11:26:32 PM »
I know that it's rough. How can you help & what can you do...

Traveling on this road can be bumpy & full of rocks.

What are some of your ideas & what if anything has helped someone who you love (who is suffering)...
violette bijoux valentine
vie
<3

orange popsicle

  • registered member
  • **
  • Posts: 18
  • wardrobe intense
Re: attention: friends & family of depression sufferers
« Reply #1 on: June 26, 2017, 09:12:50 PM »
I have had personal experiences with receiving "help" from whomever (even though they may not realize that they are helping to elevate my mood just a tad).

Oftentimes it has been a therapist, (at other times it has been someone else out in the world somewhere).

The therapist walks out into the waiting area to invite me into their office for my scheduled appointment. Maybe it's because I'm so into clothes (& all things "wardrobe"), but I always notice what they're wearing. I've had both male & female therapists & psychiatrists - doesn't matter - i still always seem to take note of their outfit choices & accessories.

For some reason, being around someone (a therapist, psychiatrist, whomever) who isn't necessarily depressed, can sometimes be slightly uplifting. I say "sometimes" & "slightly" because it definitely doesn't make my own depression symptoms magically disappear. Maybe it's just a distraction, & possibly a reassurance (maybe) that there are people who feel happier (than I am feeling). Is there hope ?
o/p

pink pearl

  • global moderator
  • registered member
  • ******
  • Posts: 15
  • ...between the ears, within the ribcage
    • depression chatter
Re: attention: friends & family of depression sufferers
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2017, 09:43:59 PM »
I think that a lot of depression sufferers feel very (very) isolated, & actually would like company/companionship. But...it can be a slippery slope. It's so difficult for others (who have never experienced depression of any kind, or been around a depressed person) to truly understand depression & what it can do to the psyche/mind/heart/thinking processes/outlook.

So many non-empathetic klutzes out there. It's not their fault - I guess that they've never had to (or wanted to ?) learn how to be compassionate toward those who are struggling.

Also, depression can cause a lot of anger - both toward others as well as turned inward (hence, feeling like dying or even suicidal). A dangerous thing.

So I think that one of my main points here is that depressed people can feel intensely lonely, yet feel hesitant to be around other people (either in a social setting or a more public one).

Truly miserable for some of us.
pearlie
a
live

orange popsicle

  • registered member
  • **
  • Posts: 18
  • wardrobe intense
Re: attention: friends & family of depression sufferers
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2017, 08:11:18 PM »
A lot of times I'm invited to something-or-other, or could go somewhere-or-other. I just cannot get myself to go. I've actually been around other people and felt like crying. So if I feel like I'm going to be in that type of mood or outlook, I just don't go.

Then I feel badly about not going.
Then I feel guilty.

I get it. It's not all about me.

The depression speaks or screams so loudly at times. It's annoying. It kind of takes over everything.

I do enjoy being with other people, especially if I like them and ordinarily want to spend time with them.

I guess that I have a "depression mood meter". And I respect the reading of that stupid meter.
o/p

pink pearl

  • global moderator
  • registered member
  • ******
  • Posts: 15
  • ...between the ears, within the ribcage
    • depression chatter
Re: attention: friends & family of depression sufferers
« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2017, 08:42:53 PM »
If you are a family member or friend of someone who suffers from depression (in any of its types or forms), there are things that you can do to help that person.

1. Be upbeat, but sensitive
A fine line here. The "upbeat" thing combined w/ sensitivity may sound difficult to pull off, but I have observed and even been with people who can go there. If, to you, being upbeat means that you're in a boastful, let-me-tell-you-how-great-my-life-is-right-now mood (that's not it). Upbeat is a positive, encouraging, uplifting, "everything's going to get much better" frame of mind. Not that you say any of those phrases or words aloud, but that you exude that kind of energy.

2. Show compassion
You can ask yourself if you truly care about this depressed person, and then show that level of caring in your facial expressions, body language, words, tone, and actions. Yeah, I know - sounds "un-doable" & ridiculous (?) None of us are perfect supporters of sick, hurting, or depressed individuals. We can just decide to put forth our best efforts, ...and then go. Make mistakes - it's ok. None of us are are without fumbles. We learn as we go.

3. (to emphasize one of orange popsicle's points, previously posted)...Wear something "well-put-together" - it doesn't have to necessarily be specifically "happy", "colorful", "cheerful". Just something that you've put together that suits you, your day, the weather, the season, the occasion, whatever. For some reason, it's quite uplifting to see someone in your life (at home, office, out shopping, having lunch, wherever) who is going about normal life & getting ready for their day in the usual way, in their own unique style. Hard to explain, but it's true for many.

4. Be an attentive listener, but don't force conversation. Maybe just make "small talk" if you want. Sometimes gentle distractions are a bit of a relief.

5. Please don't say things like "cheer up", "snap out of this mood", or "you're not helping yourself - get over it". Do I need to explain this.

Comforting a depressed person in your life comes out of a very unselfish, "un-self-serving" place. In my opinion, could be one of the best meds. No prescription necessary.
pearlie
a
live

purple heart

  • newly registered member
  • *
  • Posts: 3
Re: attention: friends & family of depression sufferers
« Reply #5 on: June 29, 2017, 07:54:37 PM »
I have fought (yes, I would say "fought") chronic depression for most of my life. I also know people who have had or who still do deal with depression in one or more ways. Many people here already know this, but it can be extremely debilitating.

Other people, those who do not struggle with depression and all of its symptoms, can be very helpful and supportive. Or...they can be the opposite.

I don't think that anyone wants to be purposefully non-supportive, but some people just aren't understanding of anything that they have not personally experienced. Or maybe they're struggling to be understanding.

I don't blame them. There are many things, including aspects of other people's lives, that I probably do not fully understand either. Though we don't have to completely "get" whatever-it-is in order to show compassion.

I try to learn everyday.
Maybe we all have a long way to go.
And we can help each other??
pH

pink pearl

  • global moderator
  • registered member
  • ******
  • Posts: 15
  • ...between the ears, within the ribcage
    • depression chatter
Re: attention: friends & family of depression sufferers
« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2017, 09:31:15 PM »
I "get" it that it's not a whole h _ _ _  ("heck")  ;) of a lot of fun to be around a sad person. Many people don't know how to be, what to say, how to act, what to do...

Remember that someone who's going through depression doesn't even want to be with him/herself. They also don't want to be around anyone else. It's a complete and total struggle.

When someone is grieving a loss (of anyone or anything), it's so not necessary to talk and say something profound. Just be.

Just.
Be.
pearlie
a
live

orange popsicle

  • registered member
  • **
  • Posts: 18
  • wardrobe intense
Re: attention: friends & family of depression sufferers
« Reply #7 on: July 14, 2017, 02:11:38 PM »
I'll just speak for myself of course, although I suspect that many other people who battle w/ depression and its episodes might be similar...

Depressed people are often ashamed of themselves, their lives, their illness, just about everything at times. So getting them to speak about themselves (& their depression) wouldn't probably be an easy task.

I walk around feeling guilty, ashamed, awkward, ...certainly not in the mood to open up and share anything that I may be going through at the time.

It depends on the moment, and there can certainly be triggers to my moods of depression. Yes, depression has moods, moments, waves of feelings, ...it's not static.
o/p